This is not intended to be some great and deep metaphysical or philosophical treatise on the cosmos and my place in it. Nor is it offered as an answer to the unanswerable questions of the universe - such as what is the meaning of life. But I have wondered about those who have similarly heard the "C" word used in reference to their medical condition, and how that revelation sparked their thoughts of mortality or survival.
I must confess, that in my case (either through ignorance or arrogance) the thought of not getting to this place (of health and recovery; though still carrying the Myeloma disease) never entered my mind. We've talked about this before and it honestly wasn't denial by me, but rather a mixture of an awareness of cancer and the breadth of it's negative potential (or not), along with the confidence and careful/cautious explanation that my medical team gave me in the course of laying out their treatment plan and anticipated outcome. But despite the power of this prognosis alone, why did I survive? Why did I still beat the odds? (which admittedly were in my favor).
- Was it because my inclination toward a positive attitude sparked my healing endorphins to kick in and do magical things?
- Was it the love and support of family and friends that propelled my healing?
- Was it the unique intellect and experience of my medical team . . . with their miracle medicines?
- Was it the healthful nature of the life I had lived which brought the propensity for a positive recovery?
- Was it the fortuitous timing of my turn to have been diagnosed in an era of optimal options and optimism?
- Was it purely the luck of my circumstance that caused my treatment to rise above the disease?
- Was it divine intervention that my presence represented a greater mission yet to be fulfilled?
I'm not sure exactly what the answer is, nor am I obsessed with satisfying the question. From a young age I have found that there are certain quandaries that I just don't need an absolute answer to in order to live a full and un-perplexed life. I pursue the answers that I can, and I accept the questions that I cannot solve. I suspect it was a combination of all of the above (probably not the divine intervention part, however) that represented a cocktail of factors much like the cocktail of medications that were brought to bare on my condition. I'm happy to be here and that's good enough for me - thank you! But I still do wonder if others in the Cancer Cadre contemplate this question, and if so, how they eventually answer this for themselves.
