No, this is not a post about the current COVID-19 pandemic. That is real and serious and really serious. More hardship and loss awaits, but if we keep calm and practice reasonable social distancing - this will be over before we know it.
I acknowledge that over the past 30 months since my initial diagnosis with Multiple Myeloma / MM (has it already been that long?), I have populated (some may say cluttered) these cyber pages with tales of my trials, tribulations, triumphs and "odd-servations.” But it always sought to (and genuinely did) end with some ray of hope - for your sakes as much as for my own. I suspect that some of the more skeptical among you have been waiting for my other shoe to drop and my Pollyanna overlay to tarnish or tear. Your predictions wouldn't have come from malice of forth-thought or desire, but from reasonable expectations. I think that in nearly 3 years this stumble/tumble could be fair to forecast, but negativity is not really how I roll and that's not really been my goal (and I'm convinced that it doesn't really help lessen the toll - sorry, I had to have that rhyme).
Over the last 5 weeks I have been going through some adjustments to my MM maintenance regimen. This need for modification was medically predictable, though admittedly I didn't think about it happening (that's my Onc team's job/expertise - to watch and fine-tune). And as I am going through the process of pivoting (by choice and by force, but with no underpinnings of denial or resentment), I'm being reminded of the realities of an enduring prognosis. No tear stains on my pillow have I, but there is cause for reflection and introspection (I guess that's what a blog is after all).
-- I have worked hard to maintain as much of the status quo in my life as possible, but adapting to a new normal seems to be the current zeitgeist
-- This is not going to be as simple as: 1) Get diagnosed; 2) Have stem cell transplant; 3) Take a few pills every day; 4) Rinse and Repeat
-- I'm learning more about what's going on in me & to me, and that empowers me with a growing ability to participate in the process
-- Adjustments to my maintenance regimen are par for the course; for me or anyone else with Cancer (curable or not)
-- My Onc Team has this totally under control and there are a plethora of options
-- But this is after all a life-altering disease - for me and all of "us"
So if I continue to do my job as an important, proactive and contributing member of the Onc Team that I so often and so highly tout, and I default to my natural inclination to "Keep Calm and Carry On" - then this will fall into perspective and become increasingly more manageable. It's not painful or frightening, it's just annoying and challenging. I can handle that (spend a day with me at work). So I just need to keep being a patient patient with the existing skill, the endless will, and the eventual pills to get there.
