In 1967, at a too-young age (2 years shy of adulthood according to Judeo custom) two of my BFFs and I all lost our fathers within a few months of each other during that fateful year. Despite this emotional and developmental shock, IMHO we all turned out ok (though I do tend to overuse tape; no doubt an issue with permanence that a shrink would have a field day with).
In 2017, I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, and once again the fragility of life stared me in the eye. Too blind, too distracted, too well-supported or just too damn stupid - the ultimate duration of my visit here on earth never really crossed my mind. I ponder/ed many deep and shallow thoughts (just look at this blog), but that last tick of my clock wasn’t haunting me in the background.
Then two months ago, I was ushered into the world of back issues, and given my membership card granting me entry into the herniated disc club (kind of like the AARP cards that endlessly come in the mail once you reach the late 50's). Yet another example that my parts (though some have actually been replaced - like my "new" immune system), aren't going to last forever - nor is the wrapper that's holding them all together (ie: my body).
And now last month, we were blessed with one of the greatest gifts that life bestows; the birth of our first grandchild (yes, a girl, Ruby, what did you expect?!). And finally, and perhaps ironically, the existence of new life via this glorious example of the continuation of my timeline-eage, prompted some mortality reflection. Perhaps the tears of overwhelming joy finally focused my vision on the future; my future - - - her future.
No, nothing has changed with my MM status to warrant sudden introspection. And maybe the new discomfort I have been introduced to from some back issues have challenged my concept of an ongoing, relatively pain-free, aging glide. Regardless, it’s gonna happen one day and that’s ok. I’m not afraid. I’m not in a hurry. I’m not really going to do anything different (maybe stop saving so many S&H Green stamps). It’s not that I’m above changing or improving how I live my life, I’m just going to Keep on Truckin’ and do the best that I can with this newfound perspective taking up residence in my mental recesses. Some folks don’t get the chance to think those thoughts (like our three dads) so I’m going to honor them and be aware without being distracted. I’m putting the “more” into mortality. How weird is that ?!
