I know that this is irrational, but I tend to live my life in fear of the "Jinx" - that belief that if you talk about something too much before it happens it will upset the gods and bring about a negative outcome; where positivity would have otherwise resulted. I have witnessed the phenomenon play out enough times where if you proclaim a pending possibility too soon, it can blow up in your face (ie: I was telling people that I was going to get a vaccine shot and then it was mysteriously and abruptly cancelled - since rescheduled and injected; thank you / or if you celebrate that a baby is finally sleeping through the night, then they inexplicably stop - for awhile). Clearly many things can not be "stopped" or "started" - hey, I said it was irrational.
My form of cancer doesn't go into remission, so I won't have to worry about telling people too soon that I'm cured, only to have to then walk back that proclamation (who says there are no silver linings?). And so far, for me there haven't really been any promised medical milestones which have been thwarted by time or by happenstance - or by jinx. But I have been periodically sharing updates on my experiences with and results from recent back issues (and then surgery) - conspicuously avoiding getting too optimistic.
At the time of the procedure to address my herniated disc in late July 2020 (OBTW: I wish this on no one), during my first post-op visit, the surgeon explained to me that the recovery period could be 6 to 9 months. Generally a quick healer, but also working with admittedly compromised "healing powers,” I'm not sure I completely understood or embraced exactly what he was saying. I did feel noticeable relief within days after the operation. And then I went through a fairly prolonged period of decreasing discomfort during a couple of months of prescribed P.T. But it never really felt reliably and assuredly "better." There was even a period of time around the Holidays that I was really questioning if it had worked at all - the sustained soreness that greeted me each morning seemed like an after-effect that I was just going to have to live with.
But I kept up with the morning stretching routine, laid off on days when it was particularly overwhelming, and continued devotedly (if not blindly) powering through; hearing the 6 to 9 months relief promise in the back of my mind (if not in the back of my back). At times the idea that it could take almost a year of recovery to accomplish the desired goal seemed unattainable (and frankly - unfair; in this age of modern medicine). And yet here we are in the midst of month #7, and jinx be damned, it actually feels like I might really be getting over the hump. Stay tuned - I may be publishing a retraction, or I may actually be in traction, but for the moment I'm gingerly throwing caution to the wind and proclaiming the slightest inclination to the early signs of the beginnings of possible improvement to the point of actual healed-ness. JINX !
