Whether you have cancer or are waiting for/struggling with any other "outcome," time can pass much too slowly . . . or fly by waaaay too fast. How can the same thing manifest itself in such diametrically opposed ways (though 'time' isn't really a thing at all, rather an untouchable and uncontrollable energy).
- If you are going through a series of pre-diagnostic procedures, the visits and consultations can grow to feel endless
- If you are given a prognosis and treatment regimen, the first day of Chemo can happen almost instantly
- If you are waiting for results back from bloodwork; the days practically stand still as anxiety/uncertainty build
- If you are struggling with a difficult choice, the decisive moment often comes before you are ready, willing or able
- If you are wrestling with the side effects of a treatment, relief can appear to never be on the horizon, or even possible
- If you are having a series of regular procedures, the next one seems to come along before you have even recovered from the previous
The increments of time are exactly the same in all of the aforementioned instances, but the ticks of the clock ostensibly take on a life of their own - almost always the inverse of what you want in that moment. I can't wait to get through my regular monthly regimen visit to the Clinic (what is taking so long ?!?). But then I "turn around" and it's time to go back again (how did that happen so fast !?!). Whether in suspense for ourselves, or supportively and empathetically angst-ing for a loved one or friend, we can't make time go slower, go faster or just stand still. And in the case of a cancer like Multiple Myeloma, you're anxiously waiting for a cure to finally get here, while in the same breath you are hoping to extend the time-frame of "maintenance" for as long as possible.
In reality, we can only control how we make the best use of the time that we have, and leverage distraction to expand or contract the undesirable opposite feeling of the time passage. We watch and acquiesce as the hands of time continue forever forging forward - mocking us with their methodically metered movement. At times our ally and often our adversary.
