I can understand that at times all of my glass half full, Pollyanna, Rosen-colored glasses schtick can get a little saccharin (ok, perhaps down-right annoying to some). It's sincere, but that still doesn't change the fact that I have much to be grateful about and equally much to be concerned about. I mean, I do have cancer after all. It's a bit of a balancing act; managing the realistic and the optimistic aspects of my life/health situation.
Take my neuropathy for example. The sandy sensation in my shoes is a direct result of my chemo and seems to slowly be getting steadily "sandier" over time (first the right foot and now both). There is not much that can be done to stop it, and less to reverse the fuzzy feeling in the balls of my feet. However, real bad neuropathy can be extremely painful - so much so that I can affect mobility and balance. So, at worst it's annoying, but under control.
Once every month, I spend about 4-6 hours on a Saturday morning getting regular chemo and mAB (monoclonal antibody) treatments. It eats up a pretty good portion of a precious weekend day which can seem awfully intrusive on the surface. But this is the regimen that I have been going through for over 5 years now which has kept in check the advancement of my MM since my December 2017 stem cell transplant. So, it's basically grown into my expected lifestyle/life-sustaining routine.
Multiple Myeloma is a form of cancer that has no cure. It's not terminal, but still is unlike almost all other cancers in that theoretically there is no remission (no "5 years clear/clean, I think I beat it"). But research keeps pushing out further and further the inevitable relapse (return of the MM) to a point where we patients could potentially outlive the return of the disease within our systems. Based on where I'm at today - I’ll take those odds.
Perhaps being a life-long, die-hard Minnesota sports fan has prepared me for this cancer challenge. I've learned from a very tender age that Minnesota teams realistically just don't ever seem to have the complete package of what it takes to win a championship in their respective sport. Despite this "small market" curse, I remain optimistic that one day they will (I mean the Twins have won two World Series). There is room in my head and my heart for both the acceptance of the reality of my situation and the latitude for optimism about the present as well as the future.
